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[30 Jun 2009|09:31pm] |
my boyfriend is so sweet. he brang me flowers to work today. he's never done that, except once when i met him at trader joe's and he's like, "i was gonna buy you flowers, but you're never home and....uh....they would just die." and i said "so! why didn't you just buy them?! i can take them to work or something!" and he said "well, ok. is it the same thing if you pick them out." and i said "no, but it's okay. i will pick them out." and then i got a potted plant. and it lives at his house. i once bought him a fern, and it lived for a whole year, until one day he asked me to water it, and i must've put a whole bucket of water in that think because it died three days later. what a shame.
so, we're planning a camping trip to south lake tahoe in three weeks. and also going to atlanta for my birthday weekend. going to take a tour of cnn studios and then going to the aquarium. his parents already bought tickets and planned all this stuff for me. so sweet. haven't met them yet, well met his dad and step-mom, but not his mom and step-dad yet. anyway, then we're going out to dinner, and then going to church and having a bbq, then flying back. and we have to sleep in separate rooms. :) oh, and i get to open my birthday gift there. i asked for either a globe or diamond earrings. haha
i'm still going to school. considering committing to a law degree. not sure. i'm not exactly passionate about it. what i'd really love is to be editor for a magazine or something, but i have to admit money is becoming very important to me. i want to be secure, and able to take care of the people i love if need be. i still work two jobs. one full-time, the other part-time. full-time concierge at a quirky old hotel, and the other at a bakery, which i'm getting kinda tire of lately. otherwise life is good.
anthony and i's 2 year anniversary was june 2nd. we went to dinner upstairs at the fish market near foster city? over looking the bay, annnnd it was the same day he was buying his four runner. all was swell.
well, i should be doing the night audit. catch ya later.
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[27 Mar 2009|11:44pm] |
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holy crap. i haven't updated this thing in a year.
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[14 Aug 2007|12:51pm] |
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i swear to god, i'm so busy i have to schedule in time to pee.
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[04 Aug 2007|10:30am] |
i miss liz sharp. i wish we still had our first apartment together.
i miss having friends. i have no one to hang out with in this city. i work and go to two schools and see my boyfriend sometimes, but i need a friend to talk to, to have drinks with, to buy clothes with. i need it to keep me balanced or i'm gonna go nuts. i get so lonely.
where's peter gabriel when i need him?
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[25 Jul 2007|06:18pm] |
so, quick update. life is great.
i'm leaving for monterey day after tomorrow. fucking finally. i bet we won't even leave our hotel room until the next day. seriously man. we're gonna be so all over each other with this privacy it's not even funny. i can't wait until we each have our own place. i bought some cool underwear, a couple dresses, some shirts, need a bag, gonna buy a swimsuit while i'm there. take pictures, because i never do. take pictures at my work, because all my wonderful, beautiful russian friends are leaving by september. starting school in to weeks, don't even know how i'm paying for my books. still going to be working just as much. been to a couple bars since turning 21. a paradise & a mojito at cheesecake factory with stephanie, some vodka with josh in north beach, j.j.'s mojo from the bar at work, and a beer at katie's. ya, i'm wild. i know. crazy me. it's all good though. it's all i need. except i do need jerry, and i haven't had any jerry. but. i'm super happy. like, this is the happiest i've been my entire life. i don't ever want to go home. i hate the thought of ever having to go home again for any reason whatsoever. i went last weekend. i didn't really like it. my mom, and stuff. complicated but, ugh. it's just all too much. when i was there i just couldn't wait to run back to my life. my so completely awesome and fulfilling life with my perfect boyfriend and my job with all the awesome people i work with, and my beautiful island with the great view and all the good restaraunts and all the different buses and the perfect ridiculous unpredictable weather and my small little room, with my little closet with all my things and my own little bed and my own little things to do and think about daily all concerning me and all the things i choose to include in it. and they're all my choice. it's all mine. i choose what's in it and what's not and i just love knowing i can control all that. but jeeeeesus, i'm so busy. i am so crazy busy, i need to greally get on the ball. i mean i'm on the ball. but i need to like get more on it, or something. whatever, i just need to do a little more than i'm already doing, like manage my time better so i can get the most out of it. fucking check some shit off for good. it's so annoying knowing i still have this or that to do, makes me feel worried when i shouldn't. like i still have two days of community service left to do, and i still have to pay back my direct loans, and all these miniscule things that just add to it and take up time which can be so inconvenient, but i really don't mind, because i am a grown up afterall and i have to do stuff like sign things and fax people and pay bills and find better deals and buy a bus pass and save money. whatever. i went running around the island last night and i felt great. and anthony let me borrow his dvd player so i'm watching fever pitch and confessions of a dangerous mind annnnnnnnd my boss let me borrow his smashing pumpkins dvd where billy corgan slices his cheek open and it's supposed to be really cool he says. man, i love my boss. serious, where did he come from? he also invited me to thanksgiving at his house this year where all the outcasts with no family go for the holidays and eat a lot and drink too much. i told him it sounds great.
anyway, i get to be on vacation this weekend with the guy of my dreams and that is all i truly care for right now.
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[07 Jul 2007|02:15pm] |
okay, my birthday's this thursday and i'm going home. i'll be there until saturday morning/afternoon, because i have to be back at work by 5. so, i really want to hang out with my friends. that means you! and you! and you! because it's my 21st birthday and there's no one else i'd rather spend it with. but you guys need to let me know which day is best to hang out, thursday or friday? i don't really want to drink, but maybe one shot at a bar or something. i don't know. i really just want to have a picnic and see a movie or go out to dinner or something.
alright. so. we were gonna stay at the hilton, for the monterey trip, which will also be my birthday celebration with anthony, but turns out it's all booked. freaking sucks. it was the perfect hotel. but it's okay. we'll have fun wherever. i can't wait to pick up my camera at home. i've really been wanting to take picures of my life, because it's so great right now.
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[02 Jul 2007|10:53am] |
okay, so anthony and i are planning a trip to monterey july 27-29. we're renting a car and still looking for a non-sleazy yet sorta cheap hotel to stay at. we think we've found one for 198 a night but if you guys know of anything better around the same price, please, please, please let me know.
i can't wait!! i'm having the best time with him. we both help each other out. it's awesome. i can't stop kissing him.
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[16 Jun 2007|09:15am] |
dearrrr lord, i am exhausted. but it's that good kind of exhausted where you were out in the sun swimming all day at the pool or the beach or whatever. so, yeah. yesterday, anthony and i both took off work-school and decided to just go all over san francisco. we got up at like the crack of dawn, stopped at his work, stopped at mine, went to safeway and got some stuff, went to coit tower, walked across the golden gate bridge and back, then we went to the mall movie theater downtown and saw ocean's thirteen, except i was so tired by then i was asleep half the time, then we went to the samovar tea lounge at the yerba buena garden place, and it was hilarious because he hated everything, thennnn, we decided not to go home and just sleep, and instead to take the n to ocean beach, looked at the beach for like one minute because it was so cold and went inside this perfect cafe right on the corner and got coffee like normal people and just sat there listening to awesome music and reading all the newspapers. then we realized we were starving and took the n to get some sushi somewhere near 9th and irving, so we got off, couldn't find the sushi place, it was freezing ass, and we were standing right in front of this big nice pizza place with baseball and golf playing inside and it just looked so warm and inviting and the pizza smells were just overwhelming, so we were like, dude, pizza, duh. best idea ever. mmmmmmm. we ate, we drank soda, we watched sports tv and then we took the n all the way back to the 108 until we got to our homes. ahhhh. most packed day i've had since i went on vacation to hawaii with my family doing touristy things.
i'm not done though. so, day before that, we went to the ferry building, stopped at a couple places, the book store, tried an artichoke heart for the first time, ate some olives. then we went to ONE MARKET and i have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to go there. dude, i was so happy. you guys have no idea. and that's where i ate oysters for the first time and also lamb for the first time. the oysters were weird, the bigger they got the more they tasted like the ocean, and the lamb just made me feel like hannibal eating human toungue or butt or something. anyway, i had halibut. then we went to the union square cafe and had some coffee and just sat outside for awhile and went back home about an hour later.
and the day beforrrre that, we went to the giants game, where i got to eat this huge fucking hot dog with like everything on it and a bunch of ice cold lemonade. and we went to the store right before the game and he let me choose a shirt, so i got barry zito, in memory of my meghan moore. i miss you, meghan. by the way, i didn't even know barry zito switched over to the giants. in fact, i know absolutely nothing about baseball. but anyway, i had a lot of fun at the game, it was just funny to me, all american baseball fans are so cute, like how they get up and stretch at the 7th inning and all that other stuff they do. i don't know, i guess it's just foreign to me, i wasn't raised on baseball, i was raised on futbol. haha. so then it ended and we walked from there to market/embarcadero, where i caught the f to work.
but hey, the day before that, ha, i went to visit him at city hall for a bit, and he showed me around inside (it was so beautiful) and introduced me to all the people he works with inside supervisor chris daly's office. it was so funny, they were all in there watching him speak live on tv, and laughing at little things, it was just funny, they're all such political nerds. so then we stepped into this other room and watched the board of supervisors public commitee meeting go on, which was hilarious too, but i can't even describe it. AND, i got to see ED JEW! oh man, that made me so happy. fucking, ed jew. i got to see him right before he was charged with nine felonies. it was awesome. it was like seeing a celebrity, because i'm always reading about him in the papers, same with being in chris daly's office. i lovvve that.
this guy is great. like, oh my god, his eyes. so beautiful. HIS SMILE. s;djkhasdl;hjdgl;jkh. he's just great. except when he chooses to wear shorts, but i forgive him for that. haha. i love it. he's just the best. i have so much fun with him, he's smart, funny, good, good looking, etc. and i am still trying to get connections for that whole living on a sailboat idea of mine, i think it's coming along somewhat.
okay, i have to get my laundry and get out of here. i know, i make no sense right now.
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[10 Jun 2007|11:20am] |
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i'm seeing this guy named anthony. he's 28, went to the navy for four years, works at city hall and majors in political science. he took me to this fancy italian restaraunt and we're going probably going to the giants game this wednesday. anyway, he totally rocks my world and i couldn't be any happier. i forgot what it felt like to be nervous and feel butterflies all the time.
i'm doing super well in school. i've finished accounting in one month, and am going to continue with it at city college this fall and possible become the bookeeper at boudin, where i work right now, which would be great because i love where i work and the people, i just don't get paid enough and want something more of a real job. there's a bunch of new russian girls that work there and they're awesome. i also got two tickets to the wax museum from a friend that works there, across the street, but i really don't know anyone who'd want to go there with me, hah.
i think my dad's coming to visit me this weekend and we want to go to alcatraz. we want to bring some bread, cheese, olives, and wine on the boat and have a picnic on the way. i'm looking forward to it. plus, anthony and i want to go to alcatraz too, because neither of us have ever been. so, hopefully i'll go twice. otherwise, i've never been to coit tower either and i think that'd be a really nice place to be at night.
gosh, he's suchhhhh a good guy. i really don't believe how lucky i am to have met him. a normal person, that i can do normal things with, that isn't a drug addict or alcoholic, who isn't self-destructive whatsoever and believes in priorities and taking me places and paying for things. we both want to go to the peace corps and help out with doctors without borders. but first we have to both do some more schooling, which will happen, because he's starting this summer and i'm going this fall and we'll both be going to the same school. i told my mom all about him, i told my sister all about him, i told my friends and work friends, i even told my dad all about him. did i forget to mention how cute he is? tall, brown hair, brown eyes, nice slightly tan olive skin. ahhhhhsdafjk;asg, i'm so happy. i deserve this.
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[31 May 2007|01:11am] |
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fuck, ever since the worst day of my early adult life, which was one week ago, i've become a workaholic/school-aholic. i love it. no fucking bullshit. work, school. work, school. work, school. stay focused, katherine.
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[29 May 2007|01:23am] |
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hey, everyone. so, today my dad came to visit me. it made me really happy. before we parted at columbus and something i hugged him, and then i hugged him again, i then before i crossed the street i hugged him one more time for about two minutes, i didn't want to let go. i love my dad so much. then i had to go to work and i started to cry a little bit. i know. my sister and i have been making it a point to call each other each week and really stay in touch, which i'm glad about, because we haven't really been close since she was a senior in highschool and i was a sophmore and we shared a room together. i said it before, but i'll say it again, i love love love love love my family, gosh, so much. ugh, i miss everybody.
it's not that my life sucks now or anything, it's probably better now than it has been in nine months or so, i've just been very busy and emotional and i guess everything's getting to me, like it always does when i'm away from everyone. i still really love each day and am really happy to be in the city again. it's one of the most beautiful places to me. i love the people i work with. really, they're so good at hiring people at this place. and i'm developing an evergrowing love for bread. you can put anything on toast, man. i swear. mmm. organic strawberry jam. ahhh.
anyway, i had some really good sea bass today dipped in olive oil and rosemary with little potatoes, olives and asparagus, and a strawberry banna orange and pineapple juice smoothie. then some really good chocolate mouse and coffee. i love food. who doesn't? i'm so into noah's bagels, mamba's and seven-11 right now. let's talk about my roomate. her name's cat, short for catalina, which is funny because i'm kat, short for katherine. and anyway, she's super cool. she's hardly ever here, like, less than i am. she works at the starbucks on geary and taylor. she has a cool boyfriend. and she's really funny when she gets home drunk at eight a.m., and even funnier when she's stoned.
and every night before i get off work i make all the spanish dudes at my work hot chocolates, while they make me a sandwhich. everybody there is so nice, i can't get over it. i'm using my spanish more and more. i meet really cool people all the time but it never really goes anywhere, i guess because i never really try to pursue any of it. i don't really get the hint when people are trying to hang out and stuff. there's this really cool folk-ish type band of guys that've started playing out in front of my work and man, they actually play some real good music.
tomorrow morning i'm going to stop at jordan's recovery place and bring all those people a big bag of bread. they're so appreciative of it and it makes me feel really good. his living environment is better than mine and the way it's all set up reminds me of those cool hostels i've stayed at. so, i hope he's doing good over there.
i am currently reading 'the gnostic gospel,' 'how you can talk with God' and 'the human animal.' really good stuff.
alright. nighty night folks. love you.
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[27 May 2007|03:02am] |
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mannn, where to start..where to start. i don't know.
i've never been this overwhelmed ever, basically over all aspects of my life in general. i just keep running, running and running around. i miss my family so much i can hardly bear when i stop to think about it, and i know it affects me subconsiously. i'm starting to realize that a lot of things affect me subconsiously. it's like i'm numb for weeks, until everything that's been quietly building up just explodes in unbearable pain. even pain for people and life and things i don't know. sadness for everything and everyone and all of their sadness and my family's sadness. i wonder how long a person can contain these sorts of feelings. i've just been whelling up in emotion of all kinds. anger, hatred, pity, sadness, exhaustion, love. i need a savior. i need some kind of release. a friend. i'm so lonely, though i choose to be. i feel like another person in my life would just add to the exhaustion and running around and spending money, though it'd probably give me a little energy too if that person or those people made me feel happy, because when you're content you always have energy, hope and persistence. resilience.
i might join SGA. be the secretary. live in the honor dorms. i don't know if i have time for the meetings though. and the possible bullshit. basically i wrote this essay for a library proposal and got an amazing amount of people to sign it and turned it in into the school and they were really impressed and think i write really well and i got a lot of recognition for it. i also got nominated by my area director and my teacher to be the proctor for my class, which gives me more brownie points. my job is fucking up my neck, shoulders and back. i'm so fucking tense it's not even funny. i'm so tired i can't stay awake during class. i need to take all this energy i'm using and put it into something more productive, worthwhile and beneficial. i need to get it together for myself. i need to find a good paying office job, monday through friday, nine to five kinda thing with benefits. keep my weekend job. be a money making machine. save most of it and move into my own place and go to school in the fall.
gosh, music sounds so good. i haven't heard music music in maybe two months or more. can you believe that? how do i live? fuck, music is such a release. such a fucking destresser.
do you know how stressed out i've been? i've been so stressed out that i spent the first three weeks of may throwing up anywhere from two to six or seven times a day. SIX TIMES A DAY. CAN YOU IMAGINE? do you know what that's like? it is so, so, exhausting. throwing up blood and bacteria, with an overly acidic stomach, terrible migrains, losing fifteen pounds, looking like i was dying. thankfully i saw my doctor and she put me on some medicine and it all stopped about five days later. it's now been two weeks and i'm a lot better. a few headaches and a little naseau here and there but that's it. i still can't believe i gave myself a fucking ulcer.
i have no idea how i feel right now. i need a point of view, some perspective.
i wish people could give themselves hugs. i want a hug from myself more than anything right now.
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[08 Apr 2007|08:02pm] |
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prince- when doves cry |
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this weekend has been really odd. i guess everything's been odd in general lately. i got pulled over yesterday for a cracked windshield, and as i started to leave, the coplady pulled me over again, because apparently i had a warrant, yep. so, i went back to the police station and they cited me out, it was pretty chill. i missed breakfast with my friends because of it though. so, anyway i watched grindhouse and it was good, and last week i saw 300 and that was good. i saw it with johnny from lsp, he was very cool. and about a month ago i met sauce in portland. and now, i have bronchitis and my mucus thinner medicine is working, which is just about awesome. oh, and yesterday was my brother's birthday and jerry's birthday, i didn't get to see him though. :( and today's my mom's birthday and easter (obviously) i had lunch at my sister's house and cake and stuff and my stomach was totally in agony all day. now i'm sad because i'm leaving tomorrow morning and i won't be seeing my family for a long while unless they go to san francisco to see me, because i'll be working every weekend on fisherman's wharf.
i know, i am no longer eloquent whatsoever in my writing. just gotta keep records of stuff.
really though, i need to take more pictures of my life. what am i going to show my kids?
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[17 Mar 2007|10:16am] |
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fergie- mary janes |
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i feel very, very weird. it's like, i went on this trip to oregon, i drank every day, we crashed the car, took a flight back, i worked for a week, spent the weekend with as many people as i could, moved to treasure island the next day, and never spoke to anyone again. all the ghetto, bad kids of california have joined on this island, and i feel that i am getting more and more ghetto with each passing day, but i don't mind. whatever. i'm excited. i thrive on change.
here's my new phone number: 415-724-9675
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[13 Feb 2007|07:36pm] |
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neil young- heart of gold |
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i'm leaving in approximately five days days to drive all the way up to seattle with my cousin. we'll mostly be camped out near portland visitng my dear old friend elizabeth, whom i have not spent quality time with since we were maybe eighteen. i cannot wait to go. we're going to pack food and stuff so that we don't spend too much money and we're trying to figure out how much gas will be. i'm just glad that she wanted to drive there, otherwise i'd be taking greyhound by myself and as usual with that godawful bus system something bad would have happened. i'm almost positive. i'm also glad that i'm going with her, because she's just as adventurous as i am, only she's a bit more prepared with, well, money and cellphones and things like that.
i'm also waiting to hear about when i can move and start school. i might do culinary arts. not that i was destined to be a chef, or that i even believe in that, but i think it'd be something to learn in my life. while i'm there, i want to join this non-profit sailing club. i can volunteer to do different things, and in the process get sailing lessons for free, and when i'm done, i can start teaching kids and elders to sail, because they do that there. i'm so excited about this. the only thing that makes me slightly more patient in waiting to leave is the fact that some days i feel extremely nervous and scared to go, but i know it's an irrational fear, that comes from being home for a year. i've gotten really used to it and i get kind of home sick when i leave sometimes. i know. so lame. but yeah, if i don't like that cooking business i can do something else. it really doesn't matter to me, it's all going to work out. i don't want ANY plans. plans only disappoint. i learned that a long time ago.
okay, last thing. i found out about this 'all life is sacred' run/walk that they have, where you run or walk with a bunch of other people through the 'trail of tears' from alcatraz, san francisco to washington, d.c. and the next one is going to be february-july of 2008 and i really really really want to do it. i sent them an email to figure out how to participate and be prepared or whatever. this is so awesome, i'm going to have to start training for something, and it's something i'd absolutely love to do and it's totally safe too. you walk like 100 to 175 miles a day, for five days, then you rest or one day and you get to go across the fucking continent by foot. i have always wanted to do this.
the best part about all of these things, minus the portland/seattle trip is that i don't have to pay any money to do any of this stuff. i think i'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to find ways to do what i want without paying. it's actually not impossible, like most people think. sure, for some there's a price you have to pay, but i'm really not very picky and enjoy being taken out of my comfort zone, so for me it's like a dream come true. i just want to travel at this point. that's all i'm comitted to, i think.
i don't know what i'm doing for valentine's day. maybe i'll have dinner with my dad, or lunch with my mom. i don't know. they're both weird about holidays, especially my dad. he doesn't believe in celebrating anything. since i was little all he's said was, 'it's just like any other day.' such a downer. he got it from his parents. they're downers too for stuff like that. nothing's special. no love. no affection. just roughing it and being tough and shit.
alright, i guess i'll try to take some pictures even though it takes from the fun.
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[26 Jan 2007|07:40pm] |
my friend sage died today. i don't know what to say. it's weird when i picture him in a morgue, blue and lifeless with a tag on his toe. it's just like, bam! all of the sudden he's dead. he doesn't exist anymore.
at least i got to see him in october, one last time. and it's strange because it felt like the three of us had all come to our end. like we were finally growing up and letting go and getting serious and seeing things for what they really were. it's just eerie. and sad. the way they all start dying when they seem so invincible. he was a really cool guy. smart. kind of a scumbag once in a while, but weren't we all. i miss his voice. today is such a shitty day.
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[18 Jan 2007|11:22am] |
okay, so here's the deal. i made this new journal, right? and everything on here was so foreign and etc that i was like, you know what? fuck this. at least on my old journal i could have a password without numbers, not have to touch the way anything's setup, (because it's just the way i like it) and well, it's familiar and i love going back and reading everything and thinking how stupid i sound.
so, let's catch up. i finished my first whole semester last fall, i didn't withdraw or anything! and even better! i got straight a's, except for my b in philosophy. but come on, that was math disguised in words and letters and sentences. everyone knows i'm a little sloppy with numbers and logical thinking. okay, next! i play soccer every tuesday and wednesday night, and i am so so so sore because of it. i can hardly lift my legs up when i walk. seriously, man. let's see, i'm moving to treasure island in march, which will make ONE ENTIRE YEAR that i have been here. holyyy molyyyy. can you believe it? i sure can't. i think school is what made it fly by. but i'll tell you it sure ain't flying by right now, all i do is work part time, play soccer, see free movies, and get paperwork done. and sometimes i see my psychiatrist for my anxiety. oh! and this is the longest i have ever been sober, since, like, i don't know. i do drink occasionally. and that does, in fact, mean that i drink simply on occasions. a glass or two of whatever. thanksgiving was the best. christmas was good. new year's was weird and awful, as usual. my dad was in australia and portugal for the past two months and now he's home and i've missied him so much, and i'm so glad, but he really needs to stop calling me at the crack of dawn every morning to make sure i'm awake. i never am! i just pretend to be. it's like i can't handle waking up early anymore. when i wake up, i, am, retarded. i have to make signs and plaster them all over my walls to remind myself of why i set my alarm for 6 am or whatever. it sucks. next. everyone at work loves me. get this. i, am the "funny person" at work. i have never been the funny person. it's weird. everyone thinks i'm adorable and hilarious and they want to move me up to projectionist, but i'm leaving and i'd rather my friend zach get it. zach's the best, we sing motown and try to drink out of the longest straws you've ever seen, and whenever i find candy i give it to him, he's shameless he'll drink/eat anything left over from other people, while i tell him the stories he thinks i've made up. oh, and my canary died today. bless his heart. his name was birdy. i miss hearing him sing in the morning. those sweet sweet sounds i'll never hear again while waking up. okay, moving on. i know there's something else. there must be. oh! i recycle. they won't recycle at my work, which is ridiculous, and so i take extra time to do it and haul it all over to the grungy-ass recycling place a couple blocks over.
okay, i think that's about it.
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[07 Aug 2006|02:53pm] |
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i'm leaving this journal. it reeks of the past.
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[10 Jul 2006|02:48am] |
 < / 3 : ( |
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[16 Jun 2006|03:22am] |
this week i got to meet my mom's side of the family for the first time since i was about four or five. they're absolutely wonderful and awesome and all those good sorts of things. i really had a good time with them. we went to little portugal. it wasn't the prettiest place, but there are a couple of cafes there that make me feel like a little girl in stubol all over again. they smell exactly the same. i stayed at my cousin vanessa's house. i had really missed her. i still do.
i love getting to know my extended family. it's like a new hobby.
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eye_pennies's journal